Category Archives: Goal & Priority Setting

8 Life-Changing Lessons I Learned from 593 Days of Foster Parenting

18 Saturday Jun 2016

Posted by in Foster Parenting, Goal & Priority Setting, Life Lessons, Perspective, Values

≈ Leave a comment

For the most part I keep my work blog and personal blog separate. At work I blog about cloud computing, technology and the future of accounting – all things I am passionate about. But as I wrote this blog post today about our foster parenting journey, originally intended for my personal blog, something told me I needed to share it more broadly, if for nothing else to remind everyone who reads it that it only takes one person to change the world, one person at a time.

In June of 2014 my husband and I learned of the dire need for foster parents in Georgia. I realize this need is not unique to Georgia, but the stats in our state alone are staggering: over 10,000 children are in foster care and every night 150 children sleep in hotel rooms with adult ‘supervisors’. Our foster care agency alone turns away about 40 kids a week because they have no more capacity and are so short on foster homes. It took very little convincing for us to want to learn how we could help.

On June 19, 2014 we took the first step and sent an email that would change our lives forever. An email that simply asked how we could help with this crisis situation. On June 15, 2016, 593 days after our first foster kids moved in with us, they moved out to live with the incredible family who is adopting them and becoming their ‘forever family’. It’s what I learned between those two dates that I want to share with you.

After months of classes, learning, certifications, home preparation, interviews and home studies we were officially approved as foster parents and on October 31, 2014 – Halloween night – a beautiful boy and girl (brother and sister) came to live in our home. I can’t share the details of their story for obvious reasons but I can tell you that for the next 593 days, we learned more from those children than I have from any course I’ve taken, which I’ve attempted to summarize below…

  1. Everyone has a story you know nothing about. Many times as we stood in the middle of a mall with our foster son having a meltdown, we would receive looks from disapproving people who were silently judging our parenting abilities. They didn’t know he was a foster child struggling from the insurmountable loss of being taken away from his parents and knew nothing about his past, his triggers or his emotional trauma. From the outside it simply looked like we had a child we couldn’t manage. As foster parents, you are constantly judged on so many levels for so many reasons. I even received a letter from a distant relative telling me she didn’t think I was fit to be a foster parent because I traveled too much for work, and this came after only having met me a handful of times in my entire life. As a foster parent, I constantly had to remind myself that it was okay to be judged by people and that I was doing this to serve our foster kids, not to make other people happy or to be accepted. It was very tough, especially because I am naturally a ‘people pleaser’, but it was (and is) a constant reminder to me that there is so much going on behind the scenes with everyone you meet and you need to handle every person and every situation with care, a big dose of grace and avoid judging others at all costs.
  1. I (we) have it pretty good. There is no doubt about it; life can be stressful. A long day at work, times when making ends meet is challenging, a hectic pace that leaves you wondering how you can possibly get it all done. But all of that pales in comparison to what many children I’ve met over the last two years while foster parenting have experienced. In many cases foster kids are accustomed to having only one meal a day (when they are lucky), have never had a parent attend a parent teacher conference or a school concert, haven’t been able to shower when they need to and don’t have clothes that fit or don’t have holes in them. They often come from homes where the consequences to their actions are unspeakable and they live in constant fear. These are not kids from a third world country, these are kids right down the street from you and I. The perspective I gained from the humbling and heart-wrenching stories of kids in the foster care system reminds me every day how fortunate I was to grow up how I did and how fortunate I am to have a roof over my head, a fridge that is always full, a safe place to sleep and be surrounded by people who love me. In a world where everyone seems to be fighting for more and trying to get the next big thing, I keep reminding myself to stay grounded and that what I have today are the very things that someone else is praying they can possibly get access to in their lifetime.
  1. Everyone deserves someone that doesn’t give up on them. I don’t know about you, but I have always had someone in my corner that I knew would be there for me no matter what. Growing up, that person was my Mom and it never occurred to me that if I did something wrong, she may give up on me. That simply wasn’t a possibility. But that is not the case for many children in foster care. In many cases, these kids have had many people in their lives give up on them… again, and again and again. The emotional toll this takes on these young people as they grow up is astounding. In our journey, we learned that when a child experiences (for the very first time) the feeling that they have people in their lives that simply won’t give up on them no matter what, everything changes. Their behavior, their mental capability at school, their ability to just be kids. Everything. There is someone in each of our lives who feels as though they have no one in their corner and that life-changing person they need could be you.
  1. A million excuses can’t change the world. Although I don’t like the word “busy” I think I can confidently say I am a busy person. I have a demanding job (which I love) that has me traveling at least 50% of the time and working longer than average hours. My husband teaches golf and because most people want golf lessons in the evenings or weekends it means that typically when I’m off work, he’s working. We have no kids of our own and no real experience raising kids. We have no kid ‘stuff’ (clothes, toys, furniture, etc.), and the list goes on. What we did have was a whole list of excuses why foster parenting just didn’t make sense for us and our lifestyle. But I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am so glad we looked past all those excuses and took a leap of faith that what we needed would come together and we could make it work. In today’s world, it’s easy to come up with a million excuses on why you shouldn’t do something, whether it’s going for a dream you have or helping those less fortunate than you. But at the end of the day, a million excuses simply won’t change the world. You need to move past your fear, past your doubts and past your excuses and dare to do something big, bold and life changing for you or for someone else. It’s what makes for a richer life and will give you moments of joy that you won’t otherwise be able to experience.
  1. You are not alone. I’m a fairly independent woman and as a result, when I take on a project, job or challenge I often assume I’m the person who will be driving a lot of the activity or getting things done. With foster parenting, that was not the case. I quickly realized I did not have the skills, knowledge or experience needed to really help these kids alone and I would need to surround myself with people who could help. It was incredible to watch our friends and family step up to support us and the kids, even though it was a journey they have not personally experienced. It was also incredible to see our network quickly build out with dozens of new friends, case workers, social workers and others… all there to support us and the kids. It always had a huge impact on me on days when we had court when I’d look around the courtroom and see so many people there advocating for these precious children. The key takeaway for me is that it’s amazing to see how many people are prepared to support you when you step up to make a change in the world. You don’t need to do it alone and you don’t need all the answers. You just need to surround yourself with people who will be there for your journey and be willing to accept their help.
  1. Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone. I first heard the quote “Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone” from Andy Stanley and it left a mark on my soul. Many people don’t bother tackling a challenge or epidemic in the world like homelessness, child hunger, poverty or another cause because they don’t think they can really make a difference; they are just one person. It’s true – the problem is massive. But if you just do for one person what you wish you could do for everyone, you have the ability to change someone’s life and one life saved or changed is worth it. The changes in our foster kids in the 593 days we had them made me realize one person has the power to make a life-changing impact, one person at a time.
  1. There is a whole world out there “we” know nothing about. When we began our foster parenting journey we underestimated the amount of learning that was ahead of us. Yes, we had all the learning you’d expect as first time parents to an eight and nine year old, but we also had to learn about a million other things. How the court system works, how the Department of Family and Child Services (DFCS) works, the rules and regulations around caring for foster kids, the thousands of people who are involved in ‘the system’ to help protect kids (and people) who need protecting… and the list goes on. It was an incredible eye-opening experience to be able to become part of entirely different world than the one we were accustomed to; not for a day, not for a month, but for almost two years. I would encourage anyone to find a cause they are passionate about and take the time to learn the ins-and-outs of how to affect change in that area. The perspective it will bring is a beautiful thing.
  1. It’s not about me. Without a doubt, the number one comment we heard from people who learned we were foster parents was “I could never do that. I just couldn’t say goodbye at the end, it would be way too hard.” And let me tell you, it’s a thousand times harder than you can even imagine. Saying goodbye to kids who called you Mom and Dad for almost two years brought months of tears, many conversations with the kids that ripped my heart out and a goodbye that made all other goodbyes pale in comparison. But you know what? It was worth it. We didn’t do it because it would be easy. We didn’t do it for fun. We did it because these kids (and so many others) deserve a chance. And we’d do it again for the exact same reason.

The last 593 days have been life-changing to say the least. We experienced being called Mom and Dad for the first time, falling in love with children who were not our own, watching them grow, change and heal in many ways and at the end, saying a very painful goodbye and closing this chapter in our lives and thinking about what is next. I am beyond grateful we put a million excuses aside and opened our lives and our hearts to a whole new world. I’m not sure who changed more through this journey, the kids or us, but it has enriched our lives in a way that I could not have imagined possible.

Turning Insights in to Action – 5 Steps to Building Your Post Conference Action Plan

31 Thursday Jul 2014

Posted by in Goal & Priority Setting, Networking

≈ Leave a comment

Today we wrap up Sage Summit 2014 and wow! The caliber of speakers and content was like no other conference I’ve ever been to, which lends itself to the question “Now what?”. We just took in four days of non-stop education, inspiration, motivation and insights, but the real key is how we’re going to turn all of that in to an action plan to ensure each of us gets great ROI on the investment we made to attend the conference.

I thought I’d share what my plan of attack is going to be coming out of this week, which may help you craft your own action plan.

#1 – First, it starts with setting time aside for reflection within a few days of the conference wrapping up. You don’t want too much time to go by because you run the risk of forgetting what’s most important or don’t end up making any action plan at all. I’m planning to go through the #SageSummit hashtag on Twitter, my own tweets from the conference, all the notes I took in the meetings I had, notes I took in sessions I attended and key takeaways and learnings from any sessions I presented at. I’m also going to take a final read through my conference agenda which may jog my memory as to other highlights.

#2 – Next, I’ll identify my ah-ha’ moments and insights. As I review all the information above, I’m looking for those things that made the lightbulb go off above my head and making a consolidated list of what all those ah-ha moments were.

#3 – Once I have that consolidated list, I’m going to identify my top five favorites. What were the ‘best of the best’ as far as insights and learnings.

#4 – It’s time to build my action plan. How am I going to take those key learnings and use them to change my trajectory, shape the future and help me achieve a new level of success? I am going to keep in mind that if I just make even just one small change a week, that is still over fifty small changes a year which can lead to big transformation.  What is going to change as a result of my learnings? All of this needs to ultimately build in to my action plan, which of course is specific, measurable and time-bound.

#5 – Set the cadence to check in on progress. I need to ensure I schedule time to check in on my progress, even if it’s a meeting with myself.

Everyone that was at Sage Summit made an investment of their time and resources to attend. Don’t let the opportunity slip by to turn all your great learnings and insights in to action and catapult your own business (and life) to a new level of success.

Time for Some Fresh Perspective

12 Saturday Jul 2014

Posted by in Goal & Priority Setting, Leadership, Life Lessons, Perspective

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , , ,

Let’s face it, life is busy. Deadlines, commitments, responsibilities… and the list goes on. There are rarely enough hours in a day to get ‘it’ all done (whatever ‘it’ is), let alone step away from all the craziness for some fresh perspective. But when I make time for it… wow!

I recently started reading the book Harvard Business Review’s 10 Must Reads on Managing Oneself. The first chapter in the book is an article by Clayton M. Christensen titled “How Will You Measure Your Life”. First, if you don’t already own this book I recommend heading straight to Amazon and getting yourself a copy – it’s amazing.

I paused many times throughout this chapter to simply reflect because the concepts, lessons and perspective gained were so profound. A few of my favorite points were…

  • Being a great leader affects so much more than helping people perform at their best to achieve your company’s objectives. Being a great leader means the people who work with you and for you are positively impacted by you so when they leave the office, they are excited, rejuvenated and in a position to achieve their greatest life ambitions away from work as well. It means that because of their interaction with you, their personal life is better. You’ve built them up in a way that allows them to be a better parent, spouse, volunteer, etc. Wow. That extends well beyond what many think a leader’s role is.
  • Christensen shares one of his greatest learnings; “It’s easier to hold to your principles 100% of the time than 98% of the time”. Through life experiences, he knows that the phrase ‘just this once’ almost always turns into ‘more than once’ and he won’t compromise his values… not even a bit.

These are just two examples of what I took away – there are many more great insights. All week I’ve been thinking about what I read on leadership, life purpose, values and other great principles. All from one author. One book. One chapter. A lot of the concepts weren’t new to me, but Christensen’s approach allowed me to think of them in a new way, providing a fresh context to get me thinking. The rest of this book is proving to be just as thought-provoking.

How do you bring fresh perspective and new context in to your life? Perhaps you read, or maybe watch some of the great TED talks that are out there. It could even be a conversation over a coffee with a mentor or friend that will challenge your thinking. Whatever your preferred approach, just make sure you do it. Carve out time to think differently. Challenge the status quo. Because after all, life is about continually growing, evolving, becoming better, and then taking action so when your days are over, you can say with confidence “I truly became my best self and gave everything I could. I know beyond a shadow of doubt that I achieved my life’s purpose”.

Five Tips for Intentional Networking

07 Tuesday Aug 2012

Posted by in Goal & Priority Setting, Networking, Relationship Building

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, ,

There are never-ending opportunities to network online through Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter – and the list goes on. However, we all know some of the best networking comes when you meet someone face-to-face, shake hands and just talk! When you go to a conference or trade show, how much time do you put in to advance preparation for what I call ‘intentional networking’. This isn’t the same as randomly meeting people while you’re wandering the trade show floor (although that can have value too), it’s about creating a plan in advance, clearly defining your networking objectives and then working the plan.

Here are five ‘intentional networking’ tips for your next conference, trade show or networking event:

  • Master your pitch. I work a lot with accountants and many times when I meet an accountant, they will introduce themselves in the following way: “I’m Joe Brown, and I have an accounting firm”. Exciting, hey? Does that type of introduction make you want to do business with Joe? What if Joe introduced himself in the following way: “I’m Joe Brown and I help small businesses increase profitability and grow their revenue, while at the same time developing a long term strategic plan for success”. All of a sudden, you become interested. In fact, on the rare occasion when I’ve heard someone introduce themselves in this way, the response from the business owner they are introducing themselves to is “Wow – that sounds exactly like what I need”. Before you tackle your next networking event, make sure you have your elevator pitch mastered so when you introduce yourself, you clearly articulate how you’re different from your competitors, which will cause people to take notice and say “Now that’s someone I want to do business with!”.
  • Plan who you want to meet. Attendee lists are often available in advance of conferences or networking events – take time to study it and identify who you are going to be looking for when you arrive. Nowadays it’s easy to find people’s photos on LinkedIn so you recognize them when you see them, which also helps. Once you identify who you want to connect with, do your research. Take notes on their career history, read through their company website and become familiar with their      objectives. I’m always impressed when I meet someone and it is clear based on the comments they make that they have done their homework, so make sure you do yours.
  • Schedule in advance. Now that you’ve determined who you want to meet, you will likely see there are some senior level individuals or company executives on your list. Odds are these folks have a fairly packed schedule at most events they attend. Because of this, for the key individuals you want to connect with it’s recommended that you reach out in advance, let them know what you’d like to meet about and suggest two or three potential meeting dates and times, as well as a location. This will kick off the conversation and get you on their calendar which guarantees you’ll get some of their time at the conference. ‘Playing it by ear’ may cause you to miss a big opportunity to connect with someone who could change your business!
  • Maximize your time… and pace yourself! Leading up to the event, it’s ideal if you can plan well in advance so you’re not rushing around at the last minute finishing work projects or organizing things at home, which can leave you feeling burned out before the event even starts. Plan to pack early and leave some breathing room in your schedule for the days leading up to the event so when you arrive, you’re feeling refreshed and energized, ready to make the most of your time (and the investment you’ve made in attending!).  When you arrive, pace yourself. If your event is three or four days, don’t get caught burning the candle at both ends on day one and then find yourself feeling too tired to maximize the rest of the conference or event.
  • Break out of your comfort zone. When you attend conferences or events, especially when they only happen once a year, you likely have a list of colleagues or friends you haven’t seen in a while that you want to catch up with. Make you balance the “catching up” with breaking out of your comfort zone and meeting new people, which often leads to new insights and perspectives you can take back to your business. Also remember, there are many new attendees at every event regardless of size, so take a few moments to introduce yourself to someone you see standing alone. When I attend conferences I intentionally look for individuals who are standing alone and most of the time, those introductions and conversations turn out to be extremely valuable.

At your next conference or event, make a plan for intentional networking and you’ll be amazed at the doors that open and the value you’ll receive!

Becoming Intentionally Extraordinary

28 Monday May 2012

Posted by in Goal & Priority Setting

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, ,

I’ve found myself hearing a theme lately at conferences, workshops, meetings and even in conversations with my colleagues, and that theme is focused on becoming extraordinary. Whether you use the term extraordinary, excellent, amazing or whatever suits you, it is about the desire to go beyond the ordinary and do something (or many things) great. At one conference I recently attended, they keynote speaker shared a phrase that stuck with me… “Average is over” and I think he hit the nail on the head. Extraordinary also doesn’t have to apply to just one area of your life – it can be extraordinary at home, as a parent, as a spouse, in your career, through your volunteer work or in another area of your life. Extraordinary is about raising the bar and delivering your “best work” in every area of your life.

I am passionate about the subject because I believe everyone has the ability to become extraordinary. However, I was trying to summarize the underlying message in all the books I’ve read, speakers I’ve listened to and conversations I’ve had and there is no doubt about it – it is tough to do. There are literally thousands of ways to become extraordinary, but when you get to the heart of it, there are two things that are consistent – it has to be intentional and it will likely take hard work. It won’t fall on your lap, knock at your door or hit you over the head. It’s about a plan… a plan to take your life to the next level and do something great. Life is short and none of us know just how short ours is, so the longer you spend pondering what path to take or opportunities to pursue, the clock is ticking. Every day requires you to make a conscious decision (and action!) to move one step closer to extraordinary.

How are you living today with intention to further your journey to become extraordinary?

Your Key to Success in 2012: Goal Setting

02 Friday Dec 2011

Posted by in Goal & Priority Setting

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, ,

I believe the greatest “game changer” in your life and business in 2012 is goal setting.  Here are six key factors I believe are important when you’re setting your goals:

  1. First, be accountable.  If I make up a number of goals and am accountable to no one but myself, I have learned that my chance for success is reduced.  Sometimes having someone give you a kick if you’re off course or not moving forward as planned can be very effective.  If you don’t have someone that can do this for you, a business coach is often a great solution and based on my previous experience, an investment in a business coach pays off ten fold.
  2. Run your New Years resolutions like you run your business.  You wouldn’t run your business without a written business plan (I hope) and you likely always tell your clients to have a business plan, so why would you treat your goals any differently? Having a written plan for your goals with detailed action items can mean the difference between success and failure so make this happen!
  3. Set timelines.  Saying you want to achieve a specific goal “sometime in 2012” is too vague. Make sure you set deadlines around each goal so you know when you’ve been successful.
  4. Detail how you plan to get there.  If you want to grow your revenue by 20% in 2012, set monthly tasks around action items to help you achieve that goal.  Whatever your goal is, it needs a set of supporting tasks so make sure you take the time for this step.
  5. Keep your goals visible.  Writing down your goals won’t do you any good if you put them in a drawer afterwards and never look at them again.  Pin them on your bulletin board and make sure you look at them every day and keep them top of mind.
  6. Remember one of my favorite sayings that I have heard many times… “If everything is important, nothing is important”.  Don’t plan such a long list of goals that they are impossible to achieve – pick out your top five and commit to sticking with them and making them happen.

I have read many leadership books around what makes successful people different than the average person, and in 99.9% of the cases, very successful people have a written set of goals and stick with them.  If you want 2012 to truly be your best yet, make sure you take time to plan ahead for success.  This year, instead of saying “Bah – New Years resolutions never work”, take a different approach and embrace the opportunity for a fresh, new start.  This can be the year where life takes a different turn, but it’s only up to one person to make that happen – YOU!

It’s Never a Bad Time to Start a New Year

30 Tuesday Aug 2011

Posted by in Goal & Priority Setting

≈ 1 Comment

I am not entirely sure what it is, but I simply love a “new year” – and it doesn’t need to be a calendar year. Some people dread the ritual of making New Year’s resolutions, and I actually look forward to it. In fact, I have more than one “New Year” every year. Some great times to refresh your goals and priorities are in the fall at back to school time (like right now), when beginning a new calendar year, on your birthday, and after a break (like a vacation). I always welcome the opportunity to take a step back, look at everything going on and make a plan for how to bring a fresh perspective to everything I’m working on.

As you get back into a routine this fall, here are a few things to think about when setting up your action plan:

  • Do all your priorities still make sense? Whether it’s in your business life or your personal life, you’ve likely found yourself working on something and said “Why am I even doing this?”. Taking a step back will give you an opportunity to look at everything you have on your priority list and decide if there are some things that should just be scrapped.
  • Are your priorities balanced? Great news – you look at your priority list and it’s clear that if you accomplish all you’ve set out to do, you’re going to be a rock star in your job or in your business. But, what about your health and fitness? Or a plan to strengthen relationships with family and friends? For those of you that know me, you know balance is a weakness of mine (which I’m continually working on) but if you don’t start to make a plan for balance, I’m confident it won’t just appear.
  • Are you challenging yourself? If you look at your goals for the coming months or even the coming year and they look vaguely familiar, it could be because they were the same goals you had last year… and the year before… and maybe the year before that. In order to experience a new level of success, you’ll need to include on your priority list some goals that challenge you.  Things you haven’t done before, people you haven’t met, places you haven’t been. Step outside your comfort zone and include at least a few goals that make you say “I have no idea how I’m going to do that”. That’s what will help you stretch, grow and learn how to get to your next level.

As we head in to fall, I plan to revisit my personal and career objectives to make sure I’m focusing on the right areas, working towards better balance and am challenging myself every day. How about you?